Why You Should Hate the Yankees (More Than You Already Do)

So interleague play is currently underway again in Major League Baseball. The Yankees traveled to Houston to take on the Astros in a 3-game series over the weekend. Interleague games always follow the rules of the home team, so if the American League team visits a National League team, the AL pitcher must hit in the batting lineup. Seems fair right? Well, not to Hank Steinbrenner. His ace pitcher, Chien-Ming Wang injured his foot running the bases and Hank thought he'd take a moment to put his two-cents in on the MLB Rule Book.

Here's what Hank had to say:

"My only message is simple. The National League needs to join the 21st century," Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. "They need to grow up and join the 21st century."

Am I [mad] about it? Yes," Steinbrenner added. "I've got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt. He's going to be out. I don't like that, and it's about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s"

Well Hank, you're an idiot. There's about a hundred rules from the 1800's that seem to work just fine for baseball. The designated hitter is an excuse for a bunch of non-athletes who are good at one thing to hang on in Major League Baseball. Just because you're spending $209M for your team to hover around 3rd place in the division, doesn't give you the right to be a crybaby like your daddy. Here's a little tip: SHOW YOUR PITCHERS HOW TO RUN THE FREAKIN' BASES! These are grown men, not newborn calves that can't stand up on their own two feet. I bet you could even teach an infant calf how to run the bases in a few training sessions, so that's really not even an excuse. Look at this little guy to the right. He looks like he could round the bases with a little practice.

Then to fuel my hatred for the Yankees even more, Yankee pitcher Mike Mussina chose to jump on the complaint train with these words:

"We don't hit, we don't run the bases," Mussina said. "You get four or five at-bats a year at most, and if you happen to get on base once or twice, you never know. We run in straight lines most of the time. Turning corners, you just don't do that."


Is this some kind of joke? A professional athlete talking about the hazard of "turning corners"?? You're right Mussina, you guys only get paid a few million dollars. Turning corners....that's just crazy talk. I wonder if the Yankees have some kind of special clubhouse setup for the pitchers if this is the case. Maybe they have personal "turn assistants" that point all pitchers towards their desired destination making sure they can reach destinations by moving completely in predetermined straight lines. When a pitcher needs to make a turn, they can then alert "turn assistants" to point their helpless bodies in a new, more-efficient straight line so as not to put unneeded stress on their joints.


You Yankees make me sick!