The game got started in shocking fashion as a Balls Deep opponent scored first. The occurrence caused Coach Heater's cigarette to fall out of his mouth on the pitching mound, where he immediately went into shock from nicotine withdrawal. Luckily, first baseman Stephen Miller was able to find and place multiple nicotine patches directly onto Coach Heater's temples and bring him to his senses. "I saw a bright light and thought I was a goner", said a tense Coach Heater. He continued by saying, "I'll be fine as long as I have my sweet, sweet nicotine". Once the nicotine began to flow through Coach Heater's veins, he began to mow down opponents like fans have been accustomed to.
Brad Weitekamp and Cherry Bomb Charris ended their home run streaks at 2 games, but both turned in multi-hit games on the night. Cherry Bomb managed to put together a nice game at the plate despite what appeared to be a police helicopter circling overhead to confront him about potential "issues" with the law. "To my knowledge, I haven't done anything illegal since my massive steroid distribution ring was taken down during the last softball season", said Cherry Bomb. He continued by saying, "I learned my lesson with that, because I really thought we covered our tracks well, but I guess not. Who would have known that dumpster was owned by the police department". Casey Hahn also managed to put last week's armadillo race incident behind him. Indirectly killing an armadillo didn't seem to phase Hahn as he turned in a multi-hit game of his own. When asked about how he was able to move past last week's incident, Hahn replied, "What armadillo? I'm just out here doin' my thing".
There was some confusion at the start of the game as to the absence of some legendary Old School players. Balls Deep was really looking forward to playing Old School, as it was assumed the team would be made up of the movie cast from the 2003 comedy hit, Old School. "I was really looking forward to matching up against Blue Palasky and Frank "the Tank" Ricard, but obviously they are too good for slow-pitch softball", said shortstop Brad Weitekamp. Apparently there's
good reason for Ricard and Palasky not being in uniform for the game after we spoke with Old School team manager Tim Wollmann. "Let me clear some things up. First of all, Palasky has been dead for almost 3 years now, so I'd say he's excused", said Wollmann. "As for Ricard, I'm not sure if you noticed in the movie, but he had a bit of a drinking problem, so he's been in the Betty Ford clinic for the better part of the past 5 years", commented Wollmann. He went on to say, "We'd love to have those guys out here, but with Palasky being dead and Ricard fighting alcoholism, I just don't see them being a part of this organization anytime soon".Balls Deep moves to 3-0 on the season and has outscored opponents 51-9 in their first three matchups. Next week's game will feature Balls Deep vs. the Bench Warmers at 7:45pm.
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